


Doubles as their wedding day

by orphan_account



Series: Holiday boyos [4]
Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Birthday Party, F/F, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-31
Updated: 2019-12-31
Packaged: 2021-02-27 09:07:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,955
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22044580
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: The chaotic couple that is Ivan and Alfred do chaotic things on Ivan's birthdayincluding, but limited to: getting 'married', destroying a stranger's possession, and causing Arthur emotional pain
Relationships: America/Russia (Hetalia), Hungary/Ukraine (Hetalia)
Series: Holiday boyos [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1521791
Kudos: 16





	1. It's beginning

**Author's Note:**

> translations (they're all google translate so like hhhahahahhahahah)  
> Мама: mom/mother (but that's pretty easy to figure out)  
> папа: dad (also pretty easy to figure out)  
> дедушка: grandpa/granddad (this one's like whatever, the intention was grandpa but like google translate says it's granddad, but fuck google)  
> you think it's gonna be wholesome because it's Ivan's birthday? no, it's just as shitty as all the other ones  
> yeehaw

Ivan ran down the stairs, turning into his living room and grinning at his sisters. “Hello! Are Мама and папа back yet?” Ivan asked, running a hand through his hair and smoothing out the wrinkles of his dress. Natalia shook her head before she ran up to him and wrapped her arms tightly around him.

“Happy birthday, big brother,” Natalia whispered as she nuzzled his chest. 

Ivan smiled fondly down at her, hugging back and petting her hair. “Thank you Nat,” Ivan replied quietly. Natalia pulled her head back, grinning up at Ivan.

“You’re going to love the present I got you!” she giggled, pulling away and running off to the kitchen to stare at Ivan’s cake. Katyusha laughed, walking over to Ivan and ruffling his hair.

“Happy birthday, Vanya,” Katyusha sighed, chuckling as Ivan swiftly hugged her tightly. Ivan hummed in response, snuggling against his sister before pulling away and smiling up at her. 

“Do you know when they’ll get back?” Ivan asked her. 

Katyusha thought for a moment, placing a hand on her hip as she rubbed her chin. “They should be back soon, but дедушка always has been a little slow getting ready,” she said, patting Ivan’s head. “I’m sure they won’t take too long.”

Ivan nodded, “That’s good.” He scurried to the bathroom, flashing Natalia a smile before closing the door behind him. He stood in front of the sink, staring into the mirror and examining his appearance. Ivan frowned, patting his cheeks and brushing hair from his face. He looked down at his clothes, another shirt dress of dark red, cinched in the middle with a thick black ribbon, and black leggings. He spun in a circle, grinning as it spread out in the air around him. He bounced up and down, stopping quickly to fix the clip in his hair. Once he was finished, he smiled at the mirror, and left the bathroom.

A small part of him was self conscious about his clothes, but he felt more comfortable that Natalia wore a dress too. She said she did it to make him feel better, which really helped. Her dress was navy blue, and she had black leggings similar to Ivan’s, but these ones had white stripes. Katyusha didn’t wear a dress, but she was still offering her support to Ivan.

It made Ivan feel special to know that his sisters cared so much about helping him feel more comfortable. Ivan’s cheeks warmed as he grinned at his sisters again, electricity running through his veins. He just couldn’t help but smile, all the decorations of blues and purples, the food in the oven and the setting frosting on the cake, the presents on the table with more to be added soon. Today was of course a special day.

It was Ivan’s birthday.


	2. Arrival

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arrival??  
> Bruh I'm very tired

Alfred wailed as he struggled to tug his shirt on, stumbling down the hallway to the bathroom. The toilet flushed, the water ran, Matthew exited the bathroom, raising his eyebrows as he took in Alfred’s appearance. 

“Why do you look like you just woke up?” Matthew sighed, tugging the sleeves of his flannel overshirt back down to his wrists. 

“Because I did!” Alfred shouted, throwing himself into the bathroom, not bothering to close the door behind him. 

Matthew froze, his expression becoming immediately confused. “Wait, really?” Matthew cried, bewildered. 

“Yes!” Alfred yelled, quickly grabbing his toothbrush and squeezing too much toothpaste onto it. He thrust the toothbrush under the running water and then shoved it into his mouth, frantically scrubbing his teeth as he filled a glass with water. He rinsed the toothbrush, poured water into his mouth and spat it into the sink. He threw his toothbrush back, dropping to his knees and throwing open the cabinet beneath the sink. 

“How did you even manage to do that? Sleep in so late, I mean,” Matthew asked from the doorway. 

Alfred shrugged, not even glancing at his brother. “Dunno man. I was just really tired. I set an alarm, but I just turned it off and went back to bed. Man, I shoulda told Vanya to set the time later in the day,” he grumbled, still searching under the sink. “Aha!” he cried as he pulled a hairbrush and hair gel from the cabinet. “And this is why you keep a spare hairbrush in the bathroom!”

“I take it this isn’t the first time you’ve done this?” Matthew inquired, smoothing out his hair.

“Nope!” Alfred grinned, pushing himself to his feet in front of the mirror. “I guess I’m just lucky I thought ahead of time and put set out my outfit last night.” 

Matthew rolled his eyes, “Yeah, I guess.” He turned to leave, casting Alfred one ast amused glance before went down the stairs. 

“Love the flannel!” Alfred shouted as he swiftly moved the brush through his hair. 

“I’m sure you do,” Matthew called back. Alfred snickered, dropping the brush onto the counter. He grabbed the hair gel, squeezing a ridiculous amount into his palm, and began styling his hair. Alfred figured he should put more effort into his hair today instead of leaving it messy like he usually did. Styling his hair really didn’t involve too much, just smoothing down the rest of his hair and spending too much time trying to get that one specific chunk of hair to stay down, ultimately failing in the end and succeeding in nothing but making it look shiny. 

Alfred sighed once he’d finished, shooting that once rebellious tuft of sandy yellow hair a glare before he scurried out of the bathroom, ran to his room ro grab Ivan’s present, and scrambled down the stairs. Matthew was nowhere to be found, so Alfred guessed he’d already left. Alfred grumbled to himself as he stuffed his shoes on, sloppily lacing them and wobbling to his feet. He winced as he snatched a house key off the side table, swinging the door open. Alfred stumbled out the door, cursing under his breath as he fumbled with the keys in his hands. 

Once he’d managed to lock the door, he spun around, stuffing the keys into the pocket of his dress pants and clutching the rolled paper straps on the giftbag for Ivan. He harrumphed, marching down the sidewalk in the direction of Ivan’s house, but not too fast, as he didn’t want the wind of running to ruffle his hair. 

00oo00oo00

“I cannot believe you’re here before Alfred,” Ivan sighed as he opened the door for Matthew.

“Neither can I. He’s just a sleepy guy, I guess” Matthew replied, offering a card to Ivan. Ivan gestured to the table of piled presents, Matthew nodding and walking off to put the card with the rest of the gifts. Ivan followed.

“Don’t you two live together? Couldn’t you have woken him up?” Ivan asked, fiddling with the ribbon around his middle. 

Matthew snorted, “We live in the same house, but we don’t sleep in the same room. He’s not my problem.” Ivan looked bewildered, eyebrows knitted together as he processed the information just given to him.

“Is that how brothers act? Is that just a rule?” Ivan mumbled, rubbing his arm and flashing Matthew a confused look. The two walked to the couch in the living room, sitting down and ignoring the cooking show reruns playing on the TV.

Matthew shrugged, “That’s how we act. Maybe not all brothers, but these two specific brothers do act like that, yes.” Ivan nodded, though his expression barely changed. Matthew glanced around, finding only a few guests and Ivan’s sisters, the one thing that jumped out to him was that Ivan’s parents were absent. “Hey, where are your parents?” he asked, dragging his gaze across the room before landing back on Ivan.

“They went to pick up my granddad. Katyusha said they should be back soon, but it’s been like ten minutes, so I dunno,” Ivan responded, pushing on the ends of his hair and puffing it outwards. 

“Oh, Katya’s nice. I should go talk to her again,” Matthew mumbled.

“Tired of talking to me, huh?” Ivan snickered, pulling hair to cover parts of his face.

Matthew frowned, “What? No, I just haven’t talked to her in a little while.”

“Oooh? Does someone have a crush?” Ivan teased, giggling and flushing as he struggled to hold back the rest of his laughter.

“What?? No! I have a boyfriend. You know him, I’m pretty sure he’s coming to your party,” Matthew sighed, a quiet chuckle following. Ivan burst out laughing, pushing hair into his face to cover it as he recovered from his giggle fit. Matthew snickered, pushing his glasses up his nose and grinning at Ivan. 

Meanwhile, Alfred was still speed walking down the street, humming to himself as he struggled to pick up the pace. He groaned quietly and began jogging, reaching a hand up to make sure his hair was still smoothed down. Alfred soon arrived at Ivan’s house, panting and flushed. He patted his cheeks, smoothed out his hair for the thousandth time, and knocked on the door. 

And the door swung open.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy late birthday Vanya :)  
> Posting this like 12 am so it's technically not his bday anymore but fuck man, I can do what I want


	3. Angry relatives

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Granpap hate  
> Also Ukraine gay and Belarus implied gay

“Hey, hi, hello! I made it!” Alfred beamed, though a hint of nervousness slipped into his voice. Ivan stood in the doorway, an eyebrow raised as he examined Alfred. He sighed and rolled his eyes, stepping to the side and gesturing for Alfred to come in. Alfred grinned, skipping on inside and winking at Ivan. Ivan shook his head, a small smile on his face.

“At least he dressed nice,” Ivan muttered. 

“Huh? Did you say something?” Alfred asked, spinning around and staring at Ivan.

Ivan snickered, “No, it’s nothing.” Alfred shrugged, turning around once more and marching off to the table where the presents were set. He dropped his gift bag at the very edge of the table, casting it one last glance before he ran back over to Ivan. Alfred sprung on Ivan from behind, wrapping his arms around Ivan’s middle and resting his head on Ivan’s shoulder.

“Vaaanyaaaa! Happy birthday!” he cried, stretching out his words and tightening his grip on Ivan. Ivan giggled, patting Alfred’s arms and leaning his head against Alfred’s.

“That’s sweet of you, Fedya. Thanks,” Ivan replied fondly. Alfred smiled, nuzzling Ivan’s shoulder before releasing him. Ivan brushed himself off, straightening out any wrinkles Alfred might’ve caused. Alfred took Ivan’s hand and brought it to his lips, pressing a gentle kiss to Ivan’s skin. Ivan flushed and began blubbering about nothing as he pulled his hand away. Alfred laughed and threw an arm around Ivan’s shoulder.

“W-what was that for?” Ivan stammered, blushing furiously. 

Alfred shrugged, flashing Ivan his trademark grin. “It’s a special day, so I’ve gotta step up my game. It’s time to be even more gentlemanly than Arthur thinks he is,” he said, patting Ivan’s shoulder. “By the way, you look stunning,” he added with a smirk. Ivan stared at him in confused awe, his face even more red than it had been previously. 

Suddenly, the front door swung open again, and in walked Ivan’s parents, accompanied by Ivan’s grandpa. Ivan’s eyes were on his grandpa immediately, seconds after he was pulling away from Alfred and running to his grandpa. 

“Дедушка!” he cried, throwing himself into his grandfather's arms. The older man chuckled, embracing Ivan with a grin. He pat Ivan’s head, and Ivan turned his head up to smile at him. Alfred stayed where he was, eyes narrowed slightly as he stared at Ivan and his grandpa. A thought ran through his head that was something along the lines of ‘hold up, does Mr.Gramps over there know Ivan and I are gay?’ and this thought haunted Alfred, and had him rooted to his spot. He reasoned that, if Mr.Gramps was seeing Ivan wear a dress, then why would he have a problem with Ivan being gay?

But the question was, did he know Ivan was in a relationship? Plus, was he protective? He looked like a protective guy, but you probably shouldn’t judge people by their looks, right? But Alfred had a gut feeling, and that feeling was that if Mr.Gramps found out Alfred was practically head over heels for Ivan, no one would find his body.

Ivan pulled away from his grandfather, turning and grinning at Alfred. Alfred returned the smile, his accompanied by a quiet nervous chuckle. Ivan’s upbeat mood helped to cheer Alfred up, and he thought for a moment about how it was strange that he'd been calling Ivan’s grandpa Mr.Gramps. Ivan ran back over to Alfred, bouncing on his heels beside him. Alfred laughed quietly, blushing as Ivan grabbed his hand. 

“You’re a little more flustered than usual,” Ivan giggled, poking Alfred’s arm. Alfred bit his lip and looked away, glancing up to ‘Mr.Gramps’. His eyes locked with the older man’s, dark blue eyes narrowing and staring deep into Alfred’s soul. It made Alfred uncomfortable, to say the least. Alfred gripped Ivan’s hand tighter, and looked back to him. Ivan smiled at him, pulling him over to the kitchen island, where black stools rested beneath the counter’s overhang. 

The two sat there and began chatting as other guests arrived, though this party seemed less about Ivan than it was about adults mingling. Ivan didn’t seem to mind too much, and kept on smiling. Ivan’s father found his way to the kitchen and began preparing snacks to set out for their guests. Soon, the man was done with the snacks and picked up two trays of chips and dip, placing one in the center of the island where the two boys sat.

“Hey dad!” Ivan beamed, grabbing a chip.

“Hello,” Alfred said stiffly. Ivan’s father smiled faintly and patted Ivan’s head, shooting Alfred a quick glare. Alfred flushed and looked away, solemnly reaching for a chip. 

“Oh, don’t be so fussy, Viktor. He’s just a boy,” Ivan’s mother laughed, taking the second tray from her husband’s hands. Viktor rolled his eyes and kept his hand on Ivan’s head, quickly ruffling his hair. Ivan giggled, dropping his chip back with the rest as he covered his mouth. Viktor smiled again before he walked off to help his wife set out more food.

“All of your family hates me except for your mom and Katya,” Alfred sighed, stuffing a chip into his mouth. “This dip’s pretty good,” he muttered after.

“It is,” Ivan replied offhandedly. “But do keep in my mind that they don’t hate you, they just hate the relations you have with me.” 

Alfred grumbled, “Oh goody.”

Ivan laughed again, scooping plenty of dip onto a chip before eating it. Ivan pinched Alfred’s cheek. “You’re being dramatic,” he teased.

“Well excuse me, I just don’t like being in such a hostile environment. Even your grandpa, who I’ve never talked too, seems to hate me,” Alfred shot back.

Ivan shrugged, “Yeah, he’ll probably hate you. But that has more to do with your personality than the fact that we’re dating.” 

Alfred groaned, dropping his head down onto the counter. Ivan shook his head and began petting Alfred’s hair, whispering words of encouragement. “I don’t know if I can handle being here at this party the whole time. Aren’t there more adults coming to hate me?” Alfred mumbled.

“Well, my uncles on my mom’s side will be coming, and my aunt and uncle from my dad’s side will be coming too, but I think that my mom’s brothers might like you,” said Ivan quietly. 

“How long will it take for them to get here?” Alfred asked, soon followed by a sneeze and a quiet curse as he wiped at his nose.

Ivan hummed in thought for a moment before replying. “I’d say at least two hours, maybe longer.” Alfred groaned again, wiping at his whole face as he glared at the ground. The two were silent for a moment before Alfred’s head shot up again, a huge grin plastered across his face.

“What if we went somewhere?” suggested Alfred, excitedly.

“Elaborate,” Ivan responded, a chip halfway to his mouth.

Alfred elaborated. “Well, I can’t handle being here with your spooky dad and your grandpa, and don’t forget Natalia!” 

“She’s less of a problem though, she’s found that girl from either Liechtenstein or Switzerland she’s in love with, or something like that,” Ivan interjected. 

“That’s besides the point!” Alfred cried. “There’s still your dad and grandpa, and I know Natalia still has some deep, buried hatred for me caused by things other than our relationship. I’m saying that we should leave the party for a while, because there’s really not much to do until all the guests are here. Let’s do something!” 

Ivan stared at him for a moment, but in the end, as usual, he sighed and agreed. Alfred beamed, grabbing one last chip and stuffing it into his mouth before he grabbed Ivan’s hand and ran off to the front door. There they encountered Katyusha and Elizaveta chatting about something that probably didn’t matter. What did matter was that they were standing in front of the door and Alfred needed them to move.

“Excuse me ladies! I need you to move! Also, I didn’t know you two were friends,” Alfred said. 

Elizaveta raised an eyebrow, “We’re dating. Didn’t you know that?”

Alfred felt it necessary to respond with nothing but, “That’s gay.”

“You’re holding your boyfriend’s hand literally right now,” Elizaveta replied, pointing to said interlocked hands. Alfred shushed her and pushed past them, swinging the door open and dragging Ivan outside. Ivan yelled goodbye to his sister and her girlfriend as he was pulled away, waving to them and apologizing for Alfred’s behavior. 

The two found themselves standing still on the sidewalk in front of Ivan’s house staring at each other, still hand in hand. 

“So,” Ivan said, “where to now?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This thing ended up being like 12 pages and that was not the intention


	4. Lol bruh we should get married ahahah jk. Unless?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bat ring

“Let’s get married today so our both our anniversaries are on special days,” Alfred said eagerly. 

“What?!” Ivan cried, pulling back from Alfred instinctively. 

Alfred shook his head, resting his hands on his hips. “Alright, so like, not a real marriage, y’know? Like, uh, kinda like pretend. A little bit like playing house, but not as childish. Like, it’s something so when we eventually get married later in life, we can look back on it and laugh because I’m funny? Like that, I guess. I plan ahead.”

“Okay, but uh, why do we have to do it on my birthday? Why not yours?” Ivan asked. He ran a hand through his hair and gave Alfred the most confused look he could muster. 

“Well, my birthday is already two cool and important things. America’s birthday and the birth of christ,” said Alfred confidently. 

“The birth of christ?” 

“I am christ.” 

Ivan stared at him silently, his eyes narrowed as he examined Alfred. He knew Alfred was joking, but god, what strange taste. He let out a quiet chuckle, shaking his head with a sigh. “Fine,” he agreed, flashing Alfred a tired and fond smile. Alfred grinned back, bouncing on his heels.

“You stay there, I’ll be right back,” Alfred said, gesturing to the general area that Ivan stood in. Ivan nodded his head, and did as told, watching as Alfred sprinted back into the house. He sat quietly for a moment, fiddling with the ribbon around his middle as he waited for Alfred. 

Alfred ra back out of the house, stuffing something into his pocket. Ivan raised an eyebrow, but dismissed his brief suspicion. Alfred ran down the wooden step in front of the door, sprinting across the porch and down the driveway. He stood panting before Ivan, quickly reaching a hand up to smooth out his hair, which hadn’t even been that messed up, maybe a stray hair or two. 

“So, where’ll we get married?” Alfred grinned, his face slightly red. Ivan shrugged in response, his expression blank to show his indifference. “Alright then, I’ll decide,” Alfred proclaimed, smiling at Ivan as he offered his arm. Ivan rolled his eyes and accepted, draping his arms around Alfred’s elbow and holding the arm close. Alfred thought silently for a moment, snapping his fingers and pointing to the sky once he’d found his idea. “I know! And off we go!” he laughed as he turned and marched off, Ivan struggling at first to keep up. 

Once Ivan had regained his balance and was walking at the same pace besides Alfred he asked, “Where are we going?”

Alfred winked at him, putting a finger to his lips. “It’s a surprise!” he snickered. Ivan gave a weak smile, blushing slightly as Alfred pecked his cheek.

And off they went.

00oo00oo00

“Do I have to?” Ivan sighed, tugging on the short, puffy sleeves of his dress.

“Just cover em!” Alfred cried, holding Ivan’s hands in his. Ivan flushed, untying the ribbon around his middle and tying it around his eyes, making sure they were completely covered. He heard Alfred’s giddy laughter, and could feel Alfred’s hands shaking with excitement. Ivan sighed and bit his lip as Alfred held his hands tight and began pulling him along. 

He thought he heard the sound of water, and he, for a moment, thought he might know where Alfred was taking him. He didn’t want to make too many bold assumptions though, and so he kept quiet. 

They kept going for maybe another minute, before Alfred finally stopped. Ivan could definitely here water now, he could smell it too. It was a pretty familiar scent, specific to one place. A little gross, but strangle fresh and bright at the same time. A strange scent, but a very familiar one.

“You can take off the blindfold now,” said Alfred. Ivan did as told, quickly tying it back around his middle before looking up again. He smiled faintly as he took in his surroundings. He’d been spot on.

They were at the lake.

“Tada! See? I’m great at this stuff! Y’know, picking special places. This is a nice place, very sentimental, yeah?” Alfred beamed. 

Ivan hummed, “Yeah, I guess.”

“You guess? Of course it’s a sentimental place! It’s where our first official date ended! Alfred argued, crossing his arms across his chest. 

“You consider that a date?” Ivan said skeptically. 

“Of course I do!” Alfred defended. “We started dating that night, so I’d say it was a date. Dating, date? It was a date.” Ivan smiled and shook his head, taking a step towards Alfred. Alfred paused in his temporary fit, looking up to Ivan with a clueless expression before he snapped back to attention. He returned the smile, offering his hand to Ivan. Ivan took it, daintily stepping out onto the dock. Alfred followed, taking quick strides to find himself beside Ivan.

They soon reached the end of the dock, and they turned to look at each other. 

“Man, this is kinda weird,” Alfred muttered.

“Yes, I’d say it is,” Ivan agreed, looking around at the water. “I hope you don’t push me in the water again,” he added under his breath. Alfred let out a bark of laughter, startling Ivan. “O-oh, sorry, didn’t mean for you to hear that,” Ivan spluttered, blushing bright red. 

Alfred waved a hand dismissively, a huge grin spread across his face. “Oh, don’t worry, I won’t, I promise,” he chuckled. Ivan smiled, his cheeks now only slightly pink. They stared at each other quietly for another moment before Alfred said, “You make a very pretty bride.”

Ivan raised an eyebrow, “Aren't brides supposed to wear white?” 

“Why does everyone always oppose everything I say?!” Alfred wailed, throwing his hands up to his face and shoving his palms at his eyes. Ivan giggled, raising a hand to his mouth as he smiled at Alfred. Alfred dropped his hands and beamed, quickly wrapping his arms around Ivan. Ivan squeaked, locking up for a moment before relaxing and returning the hug. Alfred pulled back, reaching his hand into his pocket and fishing out a plastic bat ring.

“Aha! There he is!” Alfred said triumphantly, displaying the ring on his finger. He quickly took it off and grabbed Ivan’s hand. He slid the ring onto Ivan’s finger before reaching back into his pocket. “I’m lucky I always carry these,” Alfred mumbled as he pulled out a second, slightly different bat ring. He put it on his own finger, flashing Ivan a grin as Ivan gave him a questioning look.

“Do you really always have these?” Ivan inquired as he fiddled with the ring on his finger.

Alfred nodded, “Yep! You never know when you’ll have the urge to get pretend married to your boyfriend, so they’re handy to have.” Ivan giggled, reaching for Alfred’s hand. Alfred grabbed Ivan’s hand, intertwining their fingers, and doing the same with their other hands. He raised their joined hands up, smiling at Ivan before he leaned in and kissed Ivan. Ivan made a small sound as he pressed his lips back against Alfred’s. 

They both pulled away, grinning like idiots. “This is kinda stupid,” Alfred chuckled.

“Yeah, a little,” Ivan snickered. They kissed again, short and sweet. Once done the two made their way down the dock, Ivan skipping slightly as they reached the end. They paused and looked to each other once more. 

“Now what?” Alfred sighed as he rested his head on Ivan’s.

“Let’s do something stupid,” Ivan said firmly. Alfred moved his head away from Ivan’s and stared at him in disbelief.

“Really?” Alfred asked, eyes sparkling.

Ivan nodded, “Yes really.”

Alfred grinned and threw his hands into the air, letting out an enthusiastic woop before he ran forward, Ivan following quickly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bat ring is a reference to the fact that the girl I now like threw a bat ring at me in October and now I sometimes say I'm her wife and she's just like "yea"


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ivan is secretly psychotic

They soon found themselves strolling through their town, hand in hand. 

“Alright, so we’ve got two hours to be reckless and make mistakes. So, my darling, lovely husband, what’s mistake number one?” Alfred grinned, releasing Ivan’s hand and swinging his arm around Ivan’s shoulders. Ivan hummed in thought as he was pulled to Alfred’s side. He looked around as they walked, suddenly spotting something that sprouted an idea in his head. 

He pointed to a woman sitting quietly at a table outside a cafe, staring at her phone as she daintily sipped her tea. “Her,” Ivan said, “let’s set fire to her purse.” 

“Woah, dude, what,” Alfred cried, his expression one of utter confusion. “Dude, bro, that’s insane. Completely insane.” Alfred stood there for a moment in disbelief, staring at Ivan who stood still with an emotionless expression. “Are you serious?” he asked.

“Yeah,” Ivan deadpanned.

Alfred paused in his thinking, his hands, once outstretched, fell limp at his sides. After a few seconds of finger guns, he finally said, “I kinda like it.” Ivan nodded in response, his gaze quickly drifting from Alfred to the woman he’d chosen as his victim. “Let’s do it,” Alfred snickered quickly wiping his nose before he spun around to examine their target. “Kay, so what’s the plan?”

“Well, first we need a lighter,” Ivan replied, tapping his chin as he thought of the rest of their steps. 

“A lighter? Where’re we gonna get one of those?” Alfred asked, tapping his foot impatiently. 

“We’ll have to steal one,” Ivan said determinedly. 

Alfred gulped, “Really? Which one of us will do it?”

“You, of course,” Ivan shot back. He patted his sides and grabbed his dress, pulling the fabric out and staring at Alfred. “I’ve got no pockets.”

“You’re lucky I’ve got a little bit of money,” Alfred grumbled.

“And why?” asked Ivan, his tone still rather blank.

Alfred harrumphed, “Because this way I can go in, grab a lighter, check the price, check my money, and be upset so that way it won’t look as weird when I leave the store empty handed!” He crossed his arms and glared into the distance, “Plus, what happens if the lady’s gone by the time I get back?”

Ivan waved his hands at him with a frown. “Don’t worry, I’ll stay and watch her. Also, you’ll have to get two so you can pour lighter fluid on it before setting it on fire,” he comforted, or at least tried to. Alfred groaned, and ran a hand through his hair. “Calm down, we’ve done stupider things, most likely. I’m sure we’ll do even dumber things later on in our lives. Now go to that store over there,” Ivan sighed as he pointed to a dollar store.

“Well, I might be able to pay at the dollar store,” Alfred mumbled.

“Just go!” Ivan snapped. Alfred jumped, raising his eyebrows at Ivan before he scurried off to the dollar store. He sniffed and shivered as he slid into the store, glancing around self consciously as he began sweating. He wobbled over to the small display of lighters, some of them solid colors and some with art printed on their plastic wrappers. He wondered for a moment if those artists minded that their hard work was being sold on lighters, but quickly brushed the thought away as he reached into his pocket, searching for his money. Alfred pulled his money from his pocket of nothing but garbage, he leaned in and counted up his money, finding that he couldn’t actually pay for a lighter. 

He cursed under his breath, casting the cashier a glance, only to find that the cashier wasn’t there. He was confused for a moment as to where the cashier was, but ignored the thought and quickly stuffed two lighters into his bottomless pockets. He shot the empty cashier's station another glance before he sprinted out of the store. He made a mental note to tell Ivan of the missing cashier, perhaps they could take some candy from there later, if the cashier was still absent.

He scrambled back to Ivan, panting and grinning at him. Ivan raised an eyebrow but otherwise didn’t acknowledge Alfred’s rabid, nervous state. 

“Did you get the lighters?” Ivan asked, hands on his hips. 

“Yep, yeah. Yeppers peppers,” Alfred replied, pulling out the lighters.

Ivan nodded his approval with a wicked grin. “Okay so, the plan is I’m going to pretend to be a girl going up to compliment her, and while I’m distracting her you pour the lighter fluid in or on the purse, and then bam! It’s on fire. Then we make our escape,” Ivan explained, running his hands through his hair in an attempt to make it look more like a girl’s haircut. “Does this look good enough?” he mumbled as he looked to Alfred.

“Well, if your goal is to look feminine enough to pass as a girl, then yes. Almost all the time,” Alfred replied with a grin. Ivan flushed and glared at him, crossing his arms and biting the inside of his cheek.

“Alright, fine, whatever. Go ahead and figure out how to open that lighter of yours,” Ivan hissed, spinning around and marching off to the woman they’d chosen to torment.

“Feisty,” Alfred snickered, pushing one of the lighters back into his pocket as he fumbled with the other one. He glanced around at all the people milling about, flushing from embarrassment before he turned his gaze back to his unopened lighter. He quickly got to work opening.

Meanwhile, Ivan was struggling to keep his voice at the slightly higher pitch he’d chosen to try to convince this woman he was a girl. He was also struggling to keep up this boring conversation. She kept on saying things like, “I love your hair!” or “Your dress’s material is sooo nice! Can I touch it?” and he was really straining himself to come up with good responses. Luckily, he saw Alfred scurry up to the bag. He did his best to keep his eyes off Alfred and keep the conversation going.

Alfred, who’d finally managed to open the lighter, held his breath as he poured the contents into this woman’s bag. A small part of him felt guilt, but a much larger part of him was a bit turned on due to the sinister way of Ivan’s actions (too bad Ivan would most likely say no to any of Alfred’s advances). Plus, seeing Ivan struggle to keep up the illusion that he was a girl was funny. 

Once he’d fully emptied the lighter, he fished the second one out of his pocket, quickly sparking a flame and bringing it near the bag. It was set alight almost immediately, and Alfred leapt backwards, pushing himself to his feet and sprinting off into the crowds of people. Ivan couldn’t hold back the giggle he felt rise up as Alfred scampered away, quickly excusing himself from the conversation and running off. He made sure to run in such a direction that if the lady was watching him, she’d catch sight of her on fire bag. Which of course she did. 

He burst out laughing the second he heard the lady’s distressed cry, swiftly covering his mouth as he searched for Alfred. Alfred burst out between two people, his face flushed with excitement as he grabbed Ivan’s hands. 

“The cashier at the dollar store wasn’t there, so we could go check and if they’re still not there, we could take some candy,” Alfred grinned as he bounced up and down. Ivan grinned back, nodding and grabbing hold of Alfred’s hand. The two ducked through the crowd, ignoring the still faint cries of despair from their victim.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fuck


	6. It ends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finale

They now sat quietly in the still decorated park, munching on stolen candy. They had found themselves sitting on the same bench they’d sat on during the Christmas fireworks, and Alfred had made another comment about how sentimental this day was. 

Ivan stared down at the plastic ring on his finger, turning his hand to look at it from different angles. “Are we going to get different rings or is this it?” Ivan mumbled as continued to stare at his ring.

“Yeah sure, I’ll go steal you a new one,” Alfred snickered. Ivan laughed before he bit down on a chocolate bar. 

“Hey, how much time was that?” Ivan asked, still chewing on his chocolate.

Alfred pulled out his phone, checking the time before stuffing it back into his pocket. “Getting married and ruining that lady’s purse was an hour. What’s next on the agenda?” said Alfred with a smirk.

Ivan shrugged in response. “I picked the last one, why don’t you choose the next one?” he muttered, smiling gently at Alfred. Alfred blushed and threw an arm around Ivan’s shoulder. 

“Oh, you’re just so precious,” Alfred hissed under his breath as he nuzzled Ivan. Ivan giggled, patting Alfred’s hand as he awaited Alfred’s idea for mischief. Suddenly, Alfred pulled his head away to look into Ivan’s eyes. “Let’s screw with Arthur again! Just like our first date! It’ll be so fun,” Alfred beamed, his eyes sparkling behind the lenses of his glasses. Ivan blinked at him, expression blank for a moment before he remembered what Alfred was talking about.

“Oh, okay. Yeah, we’ll do that! Arthur is very irritable, so he’s fun to mess with,” Ivan paused for a second, staring down at his chocolate. “I feel like I’ve said that before, or at least something similar,” he muttered.

“Eh, you probably have. I feel like everyone has at some point. Who doesn’t like toying with Arthur?” Alfred replied carelessly. Ivan shrugged took another bite of his chocolate.

“So, where’ll we find Arthur?” Ivan asked quietly as he finished off his chocolate. He crumpled up the wrapped and handed it to Alfred for him to stuff into his pockets. 

“I dunno, probably in his house. Dude never goes outside, he’s like super pasty all the time, and it's not pretty like your skin, it just makes him look nocturnal,” Alfred grumbled as he tugged his phone back out, checking it one last time before he stuffed it away. He looked back to Ivan, blue eyes shining as he grinned. “Alright then, let’s go!”

00oo00oo00

They now found themselves in front of Arthur’s house, staring blankly at its dull colors. “I cannot believe it. His skin is like the same color as his house,” Alfred whispered as he shoved his glasses further up his nose. Ivan laughed and covered his mouth, flashing Alfred a fond smile before the two marched up to the front door. 

“So, what’s the plan?” Ivan muttered as he stared up at the high ceiling of Arthur’s doorway.

“Ding dong ditch, but over and over again until I can get him on the verge of tears,” Alfred replied.

Ivan hummed, “sounds good to me.” They interlocked their hands again, Alfred reaching a hand up to press the doorbell. He paused just before it, turning to look at Ivan. Ivan nodded, and Alfred pressed the button. They could hear the bell’s ringing echo throughout the house, and they bolted, pressing themselves against the side of the house. They turned and grinned at each other as they panted. They inched along the wall until they reached the edge, both of them leaning forward slightly to catch a glimpse of Arthur throwing open his front door with his constant sour expression plastered across his face. 

They got their wish, and they struggled to hold back their laughter at the look of utter confusion on Arthur’s face as he looked around in search of whoever ran his doorbell. They heard his loud, aggravated sigh as he swung the door closed, retreating back into his house. 

They crept out from their hiding spot, both of them giggling quietly as they once more approached the door. Ivan was a little farther behind this time, holding Alfred’s hand tight as he leaned forward and pressed the doorbell. They moved quicker than they did before, and it was only seconds later that they were behind the wall, peeking out only slightly to watch. Arthur threw the door open more violently than he did before, it seemed perhaps he had a sneaking suspicion about what was going on. He glared around the whole area before stomping back inside. 

The two scampered out from behind the wall, their movements slow and calculated like some fearful prey animals. Ivan wasn’t even in the doorway this time, instead deciding to stand far behind at the start of the cobblestone path leading to the door. Alfred rang the bell, and the two were gone in a flash, once more pressed against the wall. They heard the bang of the door slamming against the outside wall, and they could barely contain their laughter, quickly covering each other’s mouth to help keep any sound from escaping. They stood there in silence for a moment, until they both leaned over to bravely take a peek. 

And there was Arthur.

“Found you!” he cried, throwing his hands up and swinging for Alfred. The two cried out in surprise, swiftly spinning around and booking it. Arthur howled with rage as followed, though his pace much slower due to the fact that he was much less athletic than the two younger boys. The had soon outran him, as Arthur rather weak for someone his age. 

They didn’t stop running though, and kept going, laughing all the way, they soon ended up in a vast field, a field where couples were occasionally known to go picnicking. It was a fairly nice spot, a rather large oak tree near the center of the field good for shade. And it was there that the boys stopped, gasping for breath and wiping tears from their laughter. 

Alfred wrapped his arms around Ivan, Ivan quickly returning the embrace. They stood silently like that for a moment, before Ivan broke the silence, a hard object pressing against his thigh.

“Is that a rectangular box in your pants or are you just happy to see me?” he giggled, pulling his head back to grin at Alfred. Alfred laughed, blushing and pulling away from Ivan. He shook his head as he reached into his pants and pulled out a box, rectangular shaped, of course.

“No worries, it’s just a box. Guess it must’ve gotten moved around because of all the running,” Alfred chuckled. Ivan smiled at him, reaching a tentative hand out for the box. Alfred grinned back, turning the box to face Ivan and opening it for him. Ivan gasped, flushing and taking the box from Alfred’s hands. 

“A necklace?” Ivan breathed as he gently pulled the necklace from the box. Alfred beamed as he took the necklace from Ivan’s hands, undoing the linked chains in the back and putting it around Ivan’s neck. Ivan stared down at the gems in their metal pockets, his lips quivering in their smile and his eyes watering. “How’d you pay for this?” he whispered as he caressed the beautiful necklace.

“I’ve been saving up money for like, forever, and I never really knew what to do with it, but then I thought, ‘woah, I’ve got a use for it now!’ and here we are,” Alfred shrugged, rubbing the back of his neck as he grinned at Ivan. He flushed as Ivan threw his arms around his neck, nuzzling Alfred’s chest and thanking him over and over. Alfred hugged him, planting a kiss atop Ivan’s head. Ivan hummed his approval, turning his head up and leaning in for a kiss. Alfred laughed, accepting the kiss.

“You’re lovely,” Ivan praised, tightening his grip around Alfred’s neck.

“You’re delightful,” Alfred replied with a smirk. He kissed Ivan again, before pulling away and taking a few steps back. He smiled fondly at Ivan, who quickly returned the gesture. Alfred extended a hand to Ivan, eyes dancing with joy as Ivan’s violet eyes sparkled back. “To the party?” he asked, his voice almost lost to a sudden gust of wind.

Ivan’s eyes shined as he nodded, reaching out and taking the offered hand. “Yep,” he sighed, “to the party.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lol u a bitch 
> 
> Hahhahanhaha jk I love all of you

**Author's Note:**

> yes, Ivan's dad is his 2p, our lovely Viktor  
> honestly, I really don't care about the 2p's and know like nothing about them, though I do get the vibe that Viktor i just a really unhappy dude  
> forgive me if I didn't do him justice, I just kinda did whatever I felt like doing with him because I know nothing about him, just kind molded him into the role I needed him to be in  
> his mom is nyo!Russia but you might've just assumed that  
> also grandpap is general winter because I can


End file.
